November 30, 2009

The Opening Monologue – Monday the 30th of November 2009
Written by Vittorio Leonardi.

Good evening.
This week was another belter with some truly special people oozing many a wondrous and addle-brained remark from their hobbled psyches. To start, Wednesday saw Government announce that former Justice Director-General Menzi Simelane will take over as the National Director of Public Prosecutions. This was met with a veritable tsunami of protest from opposition parties and some members of government.
Put simply, the man’s been called and accused of everything from a lying to the Ginwala Commission to being “an ANC yes-man.” His election has been called shocking and unlawful. So it should come as no surprise that senior advocate, Pat Ellis has submitted an official complaint with the Bar Council. If found guilty Simelane will no longer be able to be our new NDPP.
The Ginwala Commission found that it was most likely that Simelane had interfered with the investigation into former Police Commissioner Jackie Selebi. But President Jacob Zuma’s spokesperson, Vusi Mona, said Ginwala’s findings were not relevant to Simelane’s appointment.

Possibly interfering in an investigation is not relevant?

Of course yes. And an inadequate number of lifeboats were simply a minor inconvenience aboard the Titanic.

Christmas signals a time of peace and goodwill; where it is better to give than to receive. It might explain why the courts granted three bribe-seeking cops – one in Middleburg, the other two in Limpopo – bail this week. The Limpopo Duo tried to solicit a R5000 bribe from a motorist that was driving without a license. When the driver didn’t have the money, they escorted him to an ATM to withdraw the cash. How helpful of them. I guess for some it is better to receive than to give.

A Welkom woman that found out her son was planning to have her killed has dropped the charges against him. She said she realised that she had played a large role in what had happened and just wants her son back. Some people might view this as a move that could be described as Mistake Number 1. But consider the following: A troubled youth with a parent that is taking responsibility for how their actions affect their child? Take a picture folks. You may never see it again. These days, that’s about as likely as a self-confident female lead in a teen vampire movie.

Bruce Fordyce is in a pickle after he allegedly referred to a woman as being a coconut. The incident took place in April at a party where Fordyce and Roberta McBride – a cousin of the infamous Robert McBride – got into a heated debate about the contribution of the late Helen Suzman to the apartheid struggle. Fordyce stating that it was a great contribution, McBride, not so much. Later that night Fordyce asked whom she would be voting for in the elections. McBride responded the ANC since they support BEE and Affirmative Action. Fordyce allegedly responded that she doesn’t need affirmative action since she’s a coconut. And this why drinking and Dycing don’t mix. Bruce, remember, you can run the comrades but not your mouth.

923 government officials have been arrested for housing fraud. A new record! HA!! In your face Somalia! Most corrupt country in the world indeed. How’s your housing corruption going?
Staying with housing, Thursday saw a happy ending to a tragic story. The family of Sikhumbuzo Mhlongo, who committed suicide after being refused an identity document, were given a new house by various representatives of government. And then on Friday, Home Affairs stated that the incident that caused the suicide – the tearing up of his application form by home affairs officials – never happened. But if there was no wrongdoing, why give them a house? Class, can you say Golden Handshake?

Vuyo Mbuli, presenter for SABC 2’s Morning Live, should be relieved after assault charges against him were dropped. But he isn’t. His family is still upset. The charge stems from an incident where Pat Legwabe discovered Mbuli at a house of his friend – Thabisa Nyamakazi – at 23:00 Monday night. Allegedly she was only wearing underwear and a nightie and Mbuli was buttoning up his shirt at the time. After an altercation, Mbuli threw a vase at Legwabe, injuring his leg and resulting in the assault charge. Mbuli has denied all charges adding he’ll only be happy after his family has made it through this difficult time.

“I should’ve just gone home,” said Mbuli.

“This is going to be a part of my life for a long time, but if you’ve done something wrong, you must bear the consequences. My focus is on my family now, because things are not okay at home yet.”


Don’t lose that confidence Mr.Mbuli.

And finally, Donovan Moodley gets a special mention. This past Wednesday saw his appeal to his life sentence overturned, smashed into a tree and burst into flames. The judge saw no merit to any of Moodley’s claims that he was sentenced too harshly and that the media was to blame for Leigh Matthews’ death.

Regarding his quest for vindication, Moodley said:

“I want to make this clear, I will stop at nothing, leaving no legal means untried,” he said in a hand-written statement given to journalists. He also referred to himself as a “media favourite.”


A media favourite? The same media that “forced you” to kill Leigh Matthews?

The way things are going in this case, don’t be surprised when the next time you look up the word “delusional” you find a picture of Donovan Moodley.

This concludes this week’s edition of The Opening Monologue. See you next week and remember, you haven’t heard it all till you’ve heard The Last Say On Sunday.