February 2, 2010

The Opening Monologue – Tuesday the 2nd of February 2010
Written by Vittorio Leonardi.

Good evening.

Ten US aid workers from a Southern Baptist Church in Idaho were caught trying to smuggling 33 Haitian orphans out of the disaster stricken land on Sunday. The problem was that they had no official papers to move the kids. Also, some of the “orphans” weren’t orphans.

Now it was quite alright to want to emulate Madonna and Angelina Jolie and want to wander off with a foreign child. However, one has to go through the proper channels. Besides, what excuse were they going to give once caught?

“We saw them in the rubble and we just had to have them.”

Meanwhile, the US has said that no more food aid will be flown into the flattened country till they find out who is footing the bill. And you can see their point. Just because Haiti had an earthquake or 20 it doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten how to work their chequebook. Besides, all that rattling should have at least shaken some change loose.

Winnie Madikizela-Mandela isn’t happy about the possible pardon and release of former Vlakplaas head Eugene De Kok.

She stated, “What about the victims? I know some of the mothers of the children who were killed by him. They haven’t been asked [if he should be released].”

True but one can then ask if Winnie ever asked the family of Stompie Moeketsi if it was okay for her to simply pay a fine rather than serve the six year prison sentence she received for complicity in his death.

Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe has criticised Julius Malema over his visiting of schools in Gauteng and the North West Province. And before you ask, no, he wasn’t looking to redo Woodwork.

Motlanthe said:

“We cannot call upon teachers and learners to be at school on time and then want to address them during school time, it cannot work that way,”

“That is an excuse of people who want to disrupt learning and we should not tolerate that. Principals, teachers and learners themselves should never accept that, it does not matter who it is.”

Julius gave a considered, measured response.

“If the deputy president has a problem with the youth league he must raise it with us. He has unlimited access to the league. Until he does that, I don’t see why I should respond to whatever he is saying, he is not the ANC.”

A fair point. He’s only the deputy president of the country and what does that count for in the end?

National Police Day came and went and surprisingly, there wasn’t a crime wave. Well, no more than usual. What is National Police Day I hear you ask? In an attempt to boost morale, government chose 50 000 police officers from across the country and bussed them into Bloemfontein for a day of music, food and partying.
The DA had raised its voice in protest wanting to know what the cost of the event was and also of the sanity of pulling 50 000 police officers – 10 000 from Gauteng alone – off the streets in a country with our crime problem second only to a Haitian earthquake zone. Government responded saying that we should not focus on the cost of the event but on the good it can do for our officers to have one day off.

Easy to say when it isn’t their money they’re spending. But in the end, there was no crime spree. Here are two possible reasons for this:

1. 50 000 of the shadiest cops were bussed away for the day.

2. Criminals, feeling lonely without so many playmates decided to celebrate National Criminals Day in response.

And finally. Two US Navy ships – the USS Nicholas and the HSV-2 Swift – recently passed through our ports on their way to Somalia. Their mission is to deliver aid to the beleaguered nation. But what about the threat of pirates some may ask? Well, the HSV-2 Swift  HSV standing for High Speed Vehicle – has been clocked at speeds of up to 66 knots or 122 km/h. Well in excess of pirate boarding crafts. So it seems the US Navy have just turned piracy into a cartoon, the pirates playing Wile E. Coyote and the Swift as the roadrunner. Good luck lads. BEEP! BEEP!

This concludes this week’s edition of The Opening Monologue. See you next week and remember, you haven’t heard it all till you’ve heard The Last Say On Sunday.