February 25, 2007

Am I alone in the world in thinking that the commercials on TV are an insult to our collective intelligence? I say this because I’ve recently found myself swearing at the TV again. Not during the news either. I’m talking about when you sit at home and an advertisement for shampoo comes on and midway through you are literally deafened by your internal bullshit alarm going off. The ad on TV has just delivered its all important blurb about its active ingredient and you can’t help but think, “What are these twits talking about?”

It all started for me one quiet evening. An ad came on for one of the major shampoo makers and the whole ad features some model with hair that is once again dull and lifeless. She uses the product and then her hair shines again. And I don’t mean shines because the hair is healthy or from the natural radiance of the sun. Oh no! It’s because of this shampoo’s secret ingredient. Wait for it… Light Reflecting Boosters! LIGHT REFLECTING BOOSTERS!? Say it out loud. You can’t help but hear your bullshit alarm go off. It sounds like something they have on the Space Shuttle. You will hear your brain say, “What the hell does that mean?”

One has to assume that there has always been this kind of fraudulent crap floating around the advertising landscape. Why else would some people believe THEM when THEY say using one deodorant is more likely to get you laid than using another? Guys, be honest, when has a girl ever said to you, “Mark, I would date you but I just can’t be with someone that uses Brand X. It’s just so last season.” Oh, and by the way, if there are any women or men out there reading this that are that shallow of a human being, I hope you die of herpes and rot in hell. The world needs less of you.

Aside from that, I want to know what kind of people actually live in the advertising world? I don’t mean the people making the commercials themselves. I’m talking about the people who’s entire world revolves around the use of the correct razor blades, lotions, shampoo and conditioner combinations and all the anti-aging cure-alls available. I hate to tell you this but in the end, no person on this planet really cares what products you use. If you show up in a reasonably presentable fashion, regardless of the products used to get there, I’m sure your job interview/meeting/date will turn out just fine… No really.

One last point. If your biggest concerns in life are split ends and dandruff, please, for all our sakes, there’s a bus leaving your area in 20 minutes… Be under it!

I feel better now. Have a good one. 🙂